Student Success Stories
Light at the End of the Darkness” By: Ryan D.
Since my first day of elementary school, I knew I was different from the other kids. I never found my niche, clique or knew who I was. I was an “outcast” and definitely played into that role. That all changed when I found what I perceived to be the answer to all of my problems, cocaine. It started out as a social outlet in high school and would use it at parties and made “friends” through purchasing, and at times, selling the drug. Coming from an affluent family, I always had enough to purchase the quantities my friends and I desired. Things were seemingly great; I had a steady girlfriend, got into a great college, and was on the rugby team. Yet regardless of all this I still wasn’t happy, there was a hole in my heart that I filled with anything from food, sex, drugs, or alcohol. This resulted in dropping out of college, loosing my girlfriend, loosing the respect of my non-using friends, and furthered my unhappiness. Do to this, I did what us addicts do best, I used the aforementioned events to justify further use. But this time I was alone, no friends, no parties, no girls around just myself and my drug of choice. I was using copious amounts daily and thus needed a lot of money so I began stealing in a variety of despicable ways, forging checks, stealing out of purses, wallets, making fraudulent A.T.M. withdrawals etc. This pinnacled when I had a drug overdose in which I was literally inches away from death (but you better believe I had a stash waiting for me when I left the hospital). In essence I had lost touch of all morality and lived to use and used to live.
Through Benchmark and The Matrix Recovery Program, I have learned more about myself and the nature of my disease than I have in the 6 or so “30 day band-aids” I have attended in the past. Today although I still have struggles, I face them. I no longer need something external to make me feel internally sound. I have realized that relapse occurs way before I take that first drug or drink and have been proactive on my biggest fear, change. Although my bottom may not be as low as others my life was completely unmanageable and my behaviors insane. Today I can look people in the eye and more importantly be able to look at myself in the mirror and be happy with what I see. I owe a lot to Benchmark and the Matrix institute, and the light they have shown me at the end of the darkness.
I Want My Childhood Back
A lot of times, I tell myself that a girl like me should not have ended up where I did. I had everything going for me. I grew up with more love that I can even understand. I had successful parents, close siblings, and truer friends as a child than I had as an adult. My personality popped. I was caring, giving, thoughtful, and respectful. All traits that would later leave quicker than they came.
Being completely unfamiliar with any kind of addiction due to my surroundings, I would never at the time, have been able to expect something like that to have happened to me. I was the least likely candidate for falling into the downward spiral of addiction. Starting to experiment at a young age and being in a long-term relationship as a child is a deadly combination. My innocence was destroyed. The second I found what made things seem fun, the switch was flipped. There was no such thing as this addict turning back. I wish I could say that I saw my life being entirely consumed with drugs, but unfortunately, I have a typical addicted brain that blocks out the bad. If I knew later that I was going to be on the streets committing crimes that I only saw on TV, injecting heroin into my veins, I assume I would have stopped. Once I was in way over my head, I was no longer the same person. I became everything I promised myself I would not be. I crossed all my own lines, which unfortunately lead me to believe that I might as well cross everyone else’s.
Hitting what most wanted to call bottoms, I decided to look past all of them. I always put drugs before my life, and that was made obvious after using up my 8th life didn’t scare me away from my 9th. Being involved in things that disgust me now, and experiencing darker places than I even knew existed, and slowly killing my body has opened my eyes to my last chance to live.
Feeling as though my purpose in life was to be a junkie and die a junkie, I held on to the little bit of hope I had left to change my life .Although knowing I needed to reach out and ask for help, I was scared. Scared of change. However, I was more scared of my life without change. In a matter of seconds, I made a commitment. A commitment to chase sobriety like I chased the high. But I knew I couldn’t do it alone, so after leaving my program and relapsing,6 months later, I asked the same people that I turned my back on to help me again. So hanging onto those people, and working the recovery program at benchmark to the best of my ability, I do not have to use today. I have a chance at life, and its no surprise the people who were waiting with open arms were the ones running the recovery program. I think sometimes I owe them my life, but my life is what they gave me. All I can do is turn around and return the favor. That, alone, has shown me my real purpose in life. I’ve realized that I need to work with addicts, because not only do I feel that is the only way I will stay sober, I also think there is one life out there, similar to mine, in need of help. One day I will stumble across them and change their life, just like mine way.
Therefore, when I tell myself I should not have ended up where I did, I step back and realize I ended up exactly where I was supposed to end up. Through the help of Benchmark and the 12 Step process I am finally looking at my life with out drugs in it. I owe a lot of my strength, Willingness, and a new way of looking at life to two men at Benchmark; Mike V. and Greg Burks, they both believe in me when there are times that I do not believe in myself. Also, I would like to say without Toii this whole thing would not be possible, she’s firm, fair, and truly cares about me. She was the one who came to the airport to get me after my AWOL and relapse, I felt safe! With the help of these people and many others I feel not only I moving toward my future but also I’m getting my childhood back!
Philip F.
Congratulations to Philip F., a 2007 Benchmark graduate who has made the Dean's List two consecutive years at California State University, Los Angeles in the College of Natural and Social Sciences for his outstanding academic achievement!
Philip has also been promoted to a management position at his part time job. According to Philip, "This would have never been possible without (Benchmark's) guidance, patience and understanding. Thank you for everything you taught me...it means a lot!"
Outstanding EMT
Benchmark student, Laura G., was recently awarded the Outstanding Clinical Certificate and a medal for Outstanding Student after completing her clinical trials through Crafton Hills College Emergency Medical Technician Program.
Gary Reese, lead instructor for the EMT program at Crafton Hills College, said, "The enthusiasm and dedication that I witnessed in Laura over the past 18 weeks were up and beyond the call of duty. The compassions she showed her colleagues, the profession and the willingness to serve the communities, are true signs of success. This is the reason we are all here and that is to serve the community and be that of a patient advocate."
Laura currently has a cumulative GPA of 3.8 and is working toward completing her general education requirements, then transferring to a university to complete her Bachelor of Science degree.
Read About What Actual Benchmark Students are Grateful for...
Beatrice
My life
My family
Friends
Being healthy
Benchmark Coaches
Opportunities I have been given
Education
Shelter
Food
The good relationships I've made
Alex
Family who cares about me
The opportunity to change my life for the better
Food, clothing & shelter
People at Benchmark who have helped me
Friends
The difficult struggles that made me a stronger man
Alex S.
I am grateful for being alive and sober for two years
I am grateful for having friends who care about me
I am grateful to have good roommates
I am grateful for the people in AA
I am grateful for our military
I am grateful for my family who loves me
I am grateful for Joelle, Jaynie and the rest of the staff and Benchmark
Kane
My Family
My freedom
Food & shelter
Health
All the relationships & friends I’ve made
Completing Benchmark
Support from my friends and family
Aaron
Greg, my Primary Coach
Graduating from high school
My great job
Friends & relationships that I have made
Family
Graduating from Benchmark
